New Year's Resolution

1. Stay healthy and well.
2. Surround myself with more positive people.
3. Keep my faith in God.
4. Read more books and study the way it's written.
5. Write, write and write.
6. Re-establish myself with my family.
7. Thoroughly plan out goals and achievements

I can't help but to recite a lyric again that expresses my exact sentiments going into the New Year. From David Cook's 'Time of My Life'...

I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something I could believe in
And looking for that magic rainbow
On the horizon, I couldn’t see it
Until I let go, gave into love
And watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive, body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn...

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings and all that I needed
Was there all along, within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart...

Happy New Years!!!

2008 Recap

And so I did some thinking last night before I went to bed and reflected on my past year. If felt like I was caught in an early thunderstorm, rode the waves and somehow ended up in shore, safe at last. :) Here's a brief synopsis of what occured during the months...

January
My coworker comes over to my place and accidently knocks over my brand new furniture ($6 G's worth), only to leave without an apology, causing an office hoopla.

February
I go to court over a two year long dispute with my ex-landlord on deposit issues, then received only $120 of the $5300 owed.

March
I get convicted of my first ever DWI while still blowing under the limit of .07, when the legal limit is .08. I'm arrested at the spot, then spent a night in Central Booking, oh how lovely that was. Fine + attorney's fees ran about $1500.

April
I get into a horrid car accident while driving on the highway in the Bronx. $5 G's worth of damage with some mental shock in my brain.

May
Parted ways with a partner, things just seem to head straight downhill. So I lean towards moving to Paris, my mind almost made up.

June
Started attending Arcola Church on the regular, thanks to Marie. Went on the retreat, began making minimal changes.

July
I got connected with my trainer Brian through Mikey. Started working out and making lifestyle changes.

August
I announce my move to Paris. Flew down to Miami to see my boy Eric before I left. Threw a farewell party in Jersey and felt like I was on top of the world.

September
Make my move to Paris. Experience a culture shock, transition period. But made a trip to London and the tourist spots here along with several visitors that kept me busy.

October
Spent my 25th birthday with several friends here in Paris. One of the toughest adjusting periods, almost fell through depression.

November
Dusted myself off after a trip to Barcelona and adopted a real positive attitude and outlook on life. Things started to look good, enrolled in classes, had El & Cat visit during Thanksgiving and started playing flag football with the boys down here.

December
The positive outlook continues, everything looks gravy, spent Christmas here with pops, my mom made a return from Korea and plan to spend New Years here with them, which is even more special.

So as you can see, it started out rough, but it had a great ending to it and that's what matters most - how you finish. August was the best month of this year but November is the month that changed me forever. Everything is positive around my life, my family is well and healthy, my close circle of friends are keeping up with their positivity and myself, I'm doing just that - no longer cluttered around negativity nor negative people.

I was talking to my man Chris aka LS, and I was talking to him about how the more positive attitude I try to adapt, it seems to attract more negative people. How the influence doesn't carry over. I actually sat on this thought for days trying to analyze it before speaking to him. He came away with one simple answer that solved my long and complicated riddle:

"You see, the negativity was always there,
it's just that now that you're thinking more positive,
you notice more negativity around you."

Wow, well said.

Food To My Soul

Welcome home, Umma! :)

My whole Paris ordeal wasn't entirely as I mapped it out to be, the way I meant to spend quality time with my parents one last time, when my mom unexpectantly had to go to Korea for three long months to oversee our estate. Yeah, not exactly how they planned it out to be as well when 5 years ago we predicted this new property would be a money maker with the economy booming.

Well, we weren't even planning on renting it out nor selling it in the first place. This was supposed to be the home all of our family would move into afterall being as spacious as it is and brand spanking new. But the way our family had been scattered in different places, timing wasn't so right for that. Timing wasn't right as well when the economy took a plunge and it took as long as it did, well, moreso fortunate that it didn't take any longer to rent it out.

The three months again, I mention. During those times I realized what a family without a mother must be like, or those real families who lost their mothers in the middle of their lives. Though I understood within time, people are all meant to adapt to their surroundings and make up for the loss (just like me and my pops have), it is never to say that her presence was never felt. No one can replace the love, care, affection and tenderness like a mother can give. I couldn't picture my life without her.

Now from here on out, with just more than a week left for me to go to Korea, 97.8% of my time will be dedicated to her. I just hope we both overcome this nasty cold we individually came down with to truly enjoy the last week before take off.

I love you umma, you are very well the food to my soul.

So Sick

No, not the song, like really. It's been a rough, rough few days coming down with a nasty cold. Bahhh.

I never liked the idea of being 'comfortable' in any position, but its hard to avoid it. Like, here's my theory: Once you reach that comfort level in a relationship, that's when you lose them. Once you are comfortable with your wealth, it's gone with a blink of an eye. Once you're comfortable with your health, it'll take one sickness to make you realize how grateful your well being is.

My mama fed me good when I was a kid. Thanks to her I've been truly blessed to have great health all along. But no matter how healthy you are, once you set in your comfort zone, and start to get lazy in taking care of yourself, it'll hit you hard. And I'm the type I'll get sick once in a couple of years but I'll almost be in coma-status.

I'm glad I'm sick now before I face my bid. But just another reminder we should never take our health forgranted...I'll update the things I did on Christmas and so forth later. In the meantime, I can't wait for mama to fix me up a soup...

Joyeux Noël!

Merrry Christmas!

The Lord has blessed us another charming day of sunshine. As I was walking out of my apartment today, I looked up to come across an evolving realization. Considering how monumental Eiffel Tower is, helped by crouched buildings, it's never hard to notice where it stands. And today, it was just that much more fascinating.

It wasn't lit in blue elegant LED lights as it usually does after sunset with sparkling lights every hour of the night. But the way it naturally paints a picture during the day is simply enthralling. Whereby the buildings adjacent to me are so vividly clear infront of my eyes and the Eiffel Tower leaning back blends in with the sky of blur. The way it embodies each other is so natural, yet Eiffel Tower seems as if it's on its own. Such a piece of art this city is. It always makes me think, 'Wow, am I really here?', 'In Paris!?'. Sometimes I can't believe it myself. It seems as though Parisians can't quite grasp it also, as I occasionally get wonderous stares like, 'I never knew this types of human race existed, ah mon Dieu (oh my God)!' Even though I've been halfway around the world I'm always amazed at how you can be in such unique places within couple hours of a plane ride.

It's funny how observant I've become ever since I started this blog, lol.


I'm not sure if the picture depicts my observation but here is the view.

Annnd, as for my other daily activities, I copped me them Jordans!!!!!!!!!! These were the Air Jordans 1 Retro Highs I lost sleep over, then got tired, so I dreamt of it all along. I made it my mission to go get these today, and when I say it was a mission, it was one indeed. I went over to a closer Champs Elysees Nike store and they only had one pair of 11.5s left (with the way my pants are getting tighter each time I buy me some jeans, these days 10.5s are a fit). So I decided to leave them and head over to Chatelet again, thinking my luck will be better there. They had two pairs but only 12.5s and a 13. Ugh. Headed back to Champs Elysees, and this time ran, hoping no one copped the last pair. It was atleast a relief knowing Parisians don't have big feet (wink wink ladies). But still, I hurdled over people to see someone carressing the display sneakers I wanted. Ohhh my, I was about to faint. Dude was a little small so I knew he wasn't going to be taking them 11.5s. So at the end of the day, I became the lucky, happy jolly one coming home with it!!! But so much for Christmas spirit here, nothing is on sale :(. Though I guess this Christmas isn't so bad afterall!




Jeeeeeeeeeeahhh!

Bonus of the day:

When I say everything is small in Paris, once again, it is. This is my shopping cart for the supermarket. Imagine me strolling through the aisles with that, lol.

Châtelet

So much for my busy Monday (as you can see on yesterday's post), I didn't quite have the time to write a blog, lol. The more time on your hands, the lazier you get. That's why bosses like to give work to the busiest employee because he/she will get it done nonetheless.

Today, that is why I am writing an entry. I spent a rather more productive day than of yesterday. Blessed with beaaautiful weather, once again VERY rare in the wintertime, I went to my favorite part of Paris, Châtelet. Not necessarily coherently favored by locals, this place to me is an altruistic blend of France & America. A fraction of this place remind you of the romantics of Paris you envisioned before coming here, yet another fraction, you're encountered by stores of Nike, Foot Locker, KFC, Starbucks and etc. Well, afterall, this is the main fashion district in Paris.

So that's what I went out to do. I instantly fell in love with these red Jordans (with a black swoosh) but with the way sneakers are overpriced here, I could've gotten some quality jeans, hoody and a button up so I ended up choosing the latter (more pressing needs). But ever since I came home, I can't seem to get those Jordans out of my mind. It's like finding a new motivation to live, so you can save up some € and finally be able to bring them home with you, lol. Kinda felt like a kid again, where you'll die to get these sneakers, but your mom won't buy you one so you'll have to wait until you save up enough money to cop 'em. I think I'mma beg for some dough and go get 'em tomorrow. Ahhh, this devil crawling underneath my skin.


Snapshot of Chatelet (Rue de Rivoli)


Another sneaker to add to my Christmas wishlist, although, it might be impossible to get them. Kanye West's 808s & Heartbreaks sneakers!


I cooked again, haha. Due to very low expectations I wasn't even going to take a pic, so mind you the presentation, lol. Cheese over rice, steamed broccoli, egg sunny side up, Mackerel fish with my fave Tabasco saucy on top, MMM.

Mondays

2011 Christmas Wishlist

I know it's that time of the year everybody wishes for something. But Christmas to me, has never really been that yearly holiday-in-waiting since childhood. In all honesty, I don't even remember the last Christmas gift I ever received. This year is no different, I don't want anything nor asked for anything and therefore I will get nothing. Ha, it's all good with me. Maybe I won't wish for anything this year, but around the year of 2011, hopefully I will have big things in store once I conclude my two year bid. And if today was that year and day, I would wish for these...:

Home Sweet Home

My color, my style.

Lexus GS 450

Executive Style. Yeah, just that color too.

Vertini Hennessy Shoes For Her

Them black stilettos looks oh-so-nice on her.

Sony Bravia LCD TV 50"+

I used to have a 50 inch and I would'nt have minded a bigger one.

Nikon D90 SLR Camera

It'd be outdated by 2011 but its own version of it.

Bike

Get my excercise onnn.

Crackberry

Going from a PDA phone to a simple slide phone means massive delays. I need to get back on it!

Tabasco Sauce

I'd want a BOX of those Jugs right there.

Wifey

Now, this a tough one 'cause this chick just beat out my lover Jessica Gomez. It wasn't an easy decision but something about this woman is captivating. Something. Not feelin' the pose though. (Korean celeb, not sure of her name)

Happy Holidays & Merry Christmas!

Washington Deadskins

A season started out with so much promise at 6 wins 2 losses halfway through the season, it all seemed playoff bound there. "Playoffs!?! Don't talk about playoffs!?" Like Jim Mora used to famously say it at a press conference, here is a pure example of that.


Now we stand at 7-7, having gone a lousy 1-5 the last six games. I'm just kicking myself in the nuts. Every Redskins fan is. Until when do we have to keep enduring this landslide? As much as it hurts I can't help but laugh at this youtube clip, an exact depiction of me on Sundays IN December. This here, is indeed the life of a Redskins fan...

New Discovery

*EDIT*
When I mentioned in my earlier blogs that a new environment brings you to new discoveries within yourself, these days I'm intrigued by what beckons me away; things I never thought I'd be associated with.

-Boxing
The intensity level is striking and brushes off all aggression known to your body.

-Photography
Possibly an influence on the artistic scenery itself in Paris?

-Cooking
What the? Yeah, that's right. Your boi is finally getting comfortable in the kitchen. Here's the first time I ever cooked something legit, lol.



Btw, I attended this Taekwondo tournament last weekend hosted by the Korean embassy here in Paris. I went into it thinking it'd be soft & boring nonetheless. Wrong. I was amazed how these guys were just flying around and punishing one another. It almost felt like a real Muay Thai fight. This black guy was a BEAST just destroyed his fellow sizable opponent! What he did didn't look like Taekwondo to me. On the girls side of things, there was a petite girl in the tournament who laid out her opponent TWICE with blows to the head which caused a ruckus from the crowd. Can't knock our national sport.

Rise From Death

You know how old timers say it so it sounds right; you can't have too much on your mind when you eat, but you need to eat with peace at mind.

In the midst of decision making during dinner on Monday night, I think I got caught up with a little too much thinking as of when exactly I'd fly into Seoul. As simple as it sounds, it was quite complex figuring out where and who to stay with (couple of options) and what everybody's schedule was like. I think I was just stressing 'cause it was a bit out of my control. Or maybe, it was that bucket of Tabasco sauce I poured on my dinner, AGAIN. God, I love that thing. Anyhow, I couldn't quite make out what it really was...

All the few minutes of stressing for no reason had me woozy for two days. I don't know if it was indigestion mixed with a fever or whatever it was it wasn't fun at all. I tucked myself under the warmest place in the house but yet I was freezing like a bleep. But somehow, someway I made it to Fei's apartment for dinner with the group last night for some home cooked Chinese. As hard as it was to get up I thought I had to get my mind out of being sick and get some fresh air - but ofcourse I had to rock my nae-bok (thermos) underneath them jeans, lol.

I had a great time despite it all, even greater was the food. Still salivating over it. Pictures coming soon...

** On a side note, it's quite interesting, I've been realizing more and more how the French culture is much more open to discussions of sexuality, not in terms of their identity but their experiences.

The highlight conversation of the day, between an engaged couple of Fei (Chinese) and Nico (French), they discuss their first date experiences;

"When I first met this guy, I told myself I'll never make him my boyfriend." Fei says.

"He didn't even buy me coffee on our first date! In China the man pays for everything and he split the bill!" She continued.

"That's 'cause we didn't fuck yet." Nico says laughingly but in a serious tone.

"Once we fucked, I paid for everything." Nico is serious, but we burst out in laughter.

Fei, then, reluctantly nods.

Season Finale

Ah, just when it was getting better.

The football season came to a close today until it starts back up on January 18th, for which I won't be here. But damn, today was by far the best game I ever had. Thanks to Phil, we've been having this Montana to Rice-Aikman to Irvin-Brady to Moss type of on-field chemistry. Behold and beware, I just found out today Phil was 46 years old!!! The man looks like he's in his mid thirties, damn. I caught several bombs for TD's from Phil, it was as if he worked for UPS and he had delievered me a package right to my doorsteps. Just perfectly thrown. Vice versa, when I lined up at QB, I'm looking for Phil 'cause I know he can catch it. He's just not going to burn past a 25 year old. But damn, as I told Phil, by the time I'm back again, I probably need to lure him out of retirement! Possibly big $ too. Lol.

Smile! It Irritates The Devil

What better way to start off the day with a phone call of GREAT news? Today's going to be a good day because I already smiled so much the devils decided to call it a day. :)

Couple things to address;

- My brother survived the cut!!! His company was laying off 10% of its workforce and today was the nerve racking d-day. I always believed in him and I have never wavered my confidence in him. Congrats brotha!!!

- The bid date is set! January 20th, 2009 sets the day I truly begin my 'rebuilding' process. I will elaborate on that soon on my coming blogs. But for now, it feels good to have clarity because the waiting game was far more grueling.

- It's simply amazing the things that happen when you think positive. I believe it's our way of showing God our appreciation for him and in turn he blesses us in more ways than we give him.

- I want to recite a lyric that always hits me hard whenever I listen to it. From the segments of 'No matter what' by T.I.;

"God'll take you through hell just to get you to heaven,
So even though it's heavy the load I will carry,
Grin and still bear it, win and still share it..."

"Life can change your directions, even when you ain't planned it,
All you can do is handle it, worse thing you can do is panic,
Use it to your advantage, avoid insanity manage,
To conquer every obstacle, make impossible possible,
Even when winning is illogical losing is still far from optional..."

"Facin' all kinda time, but smile like I'm fine"

Big Brother

My biiig brother, so here's a few words from your kiiid brother, if you admire somebody you should go ahead and tell 'em, people never get the flowers while they could still smell 'em.

Most people don't even know I have a big brother. That's because we spent most of our post middle schools days a mili miles away. We grew up together until in Peru one day he left for Korea to go to college and eventually pursue a career. Ever since, we've went our serperate ways. Regardless of distance, we never forgot the fact that we're the closest people to each other in this world.

When I look back on my childhood, I honestly don't know how I would've mentally pulled through so many changes without my brother. I remember as a kid, whenever we would move to a new country, I would be so sad and lonely that I had left my friends behind. I'd look outside the window the entire day and just think about how much I missed them. At that age, that's all I cared about. But it was my big brother, who pulled me away from the window and told me it was going to be O.K. We played all sorts of games together, but our favorite was playing soccer in our living room. Sometimes our kicks would sail high and break a furniture or two and we'd be dead scared to hear it from mom when she would come back home. We'd play Robocop vs. Bad Guy, speed skating with plastic bags over our feet, sometimes get some WWF wresting action going.

Today I'm 25 and he's 28. We're three years apart but it seems like he's light years ahead of me. He has graduated from a prestigious school, happily married and makes one good living. I'm so proud of him for what he's been able to accomplish, yet I never expressed that to him. I wanted to take this time to do so. Most of the times I never got to see his maturity grow in person but every once in a while I would talk to him, his composure speaks for itself. There was a point in time I thought it'd be bizarre to see him married and start his own family. But now I can only have so much respect for him and try my best to emulate myself after him. He is definitely somebody I admire, look up to and love 'till death.

My brother works for Credit Suisse and we all know the financial market around the world has been disasterous. In these tough times of recession I hope he's able to pull through as thousands of jobs are being laid off. I'm just proud that he's been able to withstand his position 'till this day. I continue to pray for him and I hope he knows whatever may happen, our family is here with him and behind him no matter what. I just want him to know I don't know what my life would be like without him. Love you brother.

Daily Reminder

A time for me in Paris was a time for me to focus on the Present. To put all my past achievements and mistakes behind, stop planning my life so far ahead that I lose sight of what I have right now. I write this, because I need to remind myself what I came here for, why I'm here and what I'm going to do here.

I need to remember it was just yet another opportunity in my life to start fresh, new and rejuvenated. Wherever I went, I always looked back on the friends I left behind and held on to them as if I had frozen the time. Surely enough, when I went back 'home' it wasn't the same because life kept going while I wasn't there. It put me down as young one, but I learned I can't be hanging on to the past like that because eventually its arms will grow tired.

On the contrary, I never used to plan my life 5 years ahead, but more like 10. I had this clear picture of who I wanted to be in that time and what I wanted to accomplish. I was so fixated on my goals I didn't just lose what was around me, but I had lost myself. It was good to have that constant motivation to achieve higher standards, though not by selling my soul. I knew then my dreams were what I desired in my life at the time but not who I was meant out to be.

So here I am today, until time tells me otherwise, to love this given moment. I need to continue to appreciate what I have, not what I used to have. I'm always guilty of that. I don't need to look so far ahead because the future will take care of itself if I continue to accept today as a gift. I don't need to freeze the time but let time walk with me. I need not to be stressed because I'm blessed in so many ways and so many times I don't even know it. Let people move on by to make room for new ones. There's no reason to hold back. Quit being bitter because at the end of the day, God never did me wrong. I need to remind myself...

I want to share this quote I really like:

"I want to walk away and not look back, because sometimes we just need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding with our minds exactly, what we want our heart to feel...We just have to go with the flow."

Dear Summer

When I say everything on this blog resembles my state of mind, yes, dear Summer, where are you now? I miss you, for we've been together like Nike Airs & crisp tees.

The weather's cold out, but who said my blog has to be? I'm changing the season around, atleast in here, 'bout to take another vacay.

I need to chill from Europe for a second, not a minute, let it hibernate while I estivate under the tropics. So when I pack, it's one layer a day, to fit into my Crooks & Castles duffle bag, not a body bag, dammit.

Trying to clear my mind a bit before my long bid...So what you gonna ride or die, now which one is it? Lol, that's a bit serious, but in other words, who's down to go?

Expectations

There's three general expectations of living life.

1. You expect the worst; consequently hoping every situation turns out better than you have anticipated.
2. You expect nothing; living every moment as a surprise.
3. You expect the best at all times; believing expecting the best is the only way to bring out the best.

For the majority of my life leading up to my current age, I was a firm believer of the 'expecting the worst, hoping for the best' attitude. I always thought that's how I'd stay satisfied with most life occurences. Everything seemed to turn out better than how I ever measured it to be. However, recently I thought I'd put that attitude behind me because in a way it was a negative energy. I held the bar so low that sometimes that's the most I'd get. So I turned it around and started to expect the best. I woke up each morning expecting a good day. Even in the days where all things could go wrong, I never labeled it a bad one until the last moments before sleep 'cause there was still hope that I could reverse my fortunes. It could get tough though, getting a good day everyday out of your life. I ask myself how I could stay balanced and live it thorough? To me, living frugally on surprise each and every step of the way is what i enjoy most.

How do you live yours?

Settled For Less But Happy

Usually towards the end of my Spanish class (7~9pm) every Wednesdays I get so hungry I salivate like a lion without a scent of beef lingering. On top of it all, my reach for my cravings yesterday were far too short. So I settled with something similar, American, at the least. A foot-long chicken terriyaki Subway sandwich!



I inhaled that thing. It tastes pretty much the same, but the way they toast the bread gave it that extra crunch. It wasn't so bad eating by myself either, kinda reminded me of old times.

I also found this song dedicated to Sean Taylor by Raheem DeVaughn feat. Wale & others called 'Every Given Sunday'. Gone but never forgotten!

Helpless Craving

Now that it's 2pm and I'm getting a little hungry for lunch, I thought about what I could have at this time. I still haven't crawled out of my exhaustion, especially to cook? My mom has been gone for 2 months to Korea to rent out our apartment but with the economy stifling she's been forced to stay as long as she has. Right about this time, once upon a time on Highland Ave. in Palisades Park, I would usually hop in my car to get any of these...:

- Boston Market (Fort Lee); 1/2 Dark Rotisserie Chicken w. Mashed Potatoes & Mixed Vegetables.

- Johnny's Pizza (Bergen Blvd.); Large Chicken Caesar Salad w. Extra Dressing on The Side.

- A&P (Fort Lee); Salad Bar all the way.

- Dunkin' Donuts (46 East); Finally to top it off a Large Ice Coffee w. Skim Milk & 2 Splendas...

You always want what you can't have.

Be Home Soon

Today was an unusually sunny day. Likewise an unusal day for me. Although tomorrow marks the 3 months that I've been here, today felt like the first time I touched-down at Charles De Gaulle airport. That odd and eerie feeling that shivered down my spine knowing I was on my own again to embark on a new adventure. Ironically, this time I was on the opposite end. I didn't stand in line of Departures to display my passport and submit my I-94. Except, I was to be stopped at the gates, admitted no further, and wave my heavy hand 'Au revoir'. Now I can only anticipate the next time I do so, I will be on the receiving end of it at Departures, and ensuingly march through Arrivals to wave my weightless hands, "I'm baaack, New York!!!"

Woebegone