Daily Reminder

A time for me in Paris was a time for me to focus on the Present. To put all my past achievements and mistakes behind, stop planning my life so far ahead that I lose sight of what I have right now. I write this, because I need to remind myself what I came here for, why I'm here and what I'm going to do here.

I need to remember it was just yet another opportunity in my life to start fresh, new and rejuvenated. Wherever I went, I always looked back on the friends I left behind and held on to them as if I had frozen the time. Surely enough, when I went back 'home' it wasn't the same because life kept going while I wasn't there. It put me down as young one, but I learned I can't be hanging on to the past like that because eventually its arms will grow tired.

On the contrary, I never used to plan my life 5 years ahead, but more like 10. I had this clear picture of who I wanted to be in that time and what I wanted to accomplish. I was so fixated on my goals I didn't just lose what was around me, but I had lost myself. It was good to have that constant motivation to achieve higher standards, though not by selling my soul. I knew then my dreams were what I desired in my life at the time but not who I was meant out to be.

So here I am today, until time tells me otherwise, to love this given moment. I need to continue to appreciate what I have, not what I used to have. I'm always guilty of that. I don't need to look so far ahead because the future will take care of itself if I continue to accept today as a gift. I don't need to freeze the time but let time walk with me. I need not to be stressed because I'm blessed in so many ways and so many times I don't even know it. Let people move on by to make room for new ones. There's no reason to hold back. Quit being bitter because at the end of the day, God never did me wrong. I need to remind myself...

I want to share this quote I really like:

"I want to walk away and not look back, because sometimes we just need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding with our minds exactly, what we want our heart to feel...We just have to go with the flow."

Dear Summer

When I say everything on this blog resembles my state of mind, yes, dear Summer, where are you now? I miss you, for we've been together like Nike Airs & crisp tees.

The weather's cold out, but who said my blog has to be? I'm changing the season around, atleast in here, 'bout to take another vacay.

I need to chill from Europe for a second, not a minute, let it hibernate while I estivate under the tropics. So when I pack, it's one layer a day, to fit into my Crooks & Castles duffle bag, not a body bag, dammit.

Trying to clear my mind a bit before my long bid...So what you gonna ride or die, now which one is it? Lol, that's a bit serious, but in other words, who's down to go?

Expectations

There's three general expectations of living life.

1. You expect the worst; consequently hoping every situation turns out better than you have anticipated.
2. You expect nothing; living every moment as a surprise.
3. You expect the best at all times; believing expecting the best is the only way to bring out the best.

For the majority of my life leading up to my current age, I was a firm believer of the 'expecting the worst, hoping for the best' attitude. I always thought that's how I'd stay satisfied with most life occurences. Everything seemed to turn out better than how I ever measured it to be. However, recently I thought I'd put that attitude behind me because in a way it was a negative energy. I held the bar so low that sometimes that's the most I'd get. So I turned it around and started to expect the best. I woke up each morning expecting a good day. Even in the days where all things could go wrong, I never labeled it a bad one until the last moments before sleep 'cause there was still hope that I could reverse my fortunes. It could get tough though, getting a good day everyday out of your life. I ask myself how I could stay balanced and live it thorough? To me, living frugally on surprise each and every step of the way is what i enjoy most.

How do you live yours?

Settled For Less But Happy

Usually towards the end of my Spanish class (7~9pm) every Wednesdays I get so hungry I salivate like a lion without a scent of beef lingering. On top of it all, my reach for my cravings yesterday were far too short. So I settled with something similar, American, at the least. A foot-long chicken terriyaki Subway sandwich!



I inhaled that thing. It tastes pretty much the same, but the way they toast the bread gave it that extra crunch. It wasn't so bad eating by myself either, kinda reminded me of old times.

I also found this song dedicated to Sean Taylor by Raheem DeVaughn feat. Wale & others called 'Every Given Sunday'. Gone but never forgotten!

Helpless Craving

Now that it's 2pm and I'm getting a little hungry for lunch, I thought about what I could have at this time. I still haven't crawled out of my exhaustion, especially to cook? My mom has been gone for 2 months to Korea to rent out our apartment but with the economy stifling she's been forced to stay as long as she has. Right about this time, once upon a time on Highland Ave. in Palisades Park, I would usually hop in my car to get any of these...:

- Boston Market (Fort Lee); 1/2 Dark Rotisserie Chicken w. Mashed Potatoes & Mixed Vegetables.

- Johnny's Pizza (Bergen Blvd.); Large Chicken Caesar Salad w. Extra Dressing on The Side.

- A&P (Fort Lee); Salad Bar all the way.

- Dunkin' Donuts (46 East); Finally to top it off a Large Ice Coffee w. Skim Milk & 2 Splendas...

You always want what you can't have.

Be Home Soon

Today was an unusually sunny day. Likewise an unusal day for me. Although tomorrow marks the 3 months that I've been here, today felt like the first time I touched-down at Charles De Gaulle airport. That odd and eerie feeling that shivered down my spine knowing I was on my own again to embark on a new adventure. Ironically, this time I was on the opposite end. I didn't stand in line of Departures to display my passport and submit my I-94. Except, I was to be stopped at the gates, admitted no further, and wave my heavy hand 'Au revoir'. Now I can only anticipate the next time I do so, I will be on the receiving end of it at Departures, and ensuingly march through Arrivals to wave my weightless hands, "I'm baaack, New York!!!"

Woebegone